A moment of religious reflecton

Last Night I went to church. I walked up through the churchyard, pulled open the large wooden doors and sat at the back. The nave was full, which completely surprised me. I'm not religious, although I wear a crucifix. I was given one by my mum when I first moved to London, it was stolen from my suitcase on a train back to Leeds so I've subsequently replaced it. Also, very surprisingly, I feel a sense of duty to my grandfather. I never had the pleasure of his company except a couple of times when I was about 7 of which I dont really remember, he died when I was about 15 and that has been the only funeral i've been to, but it's had a huge impact on me. My grandfather was a very deep, devout Catholic.
The church itself had fanastic architecture and the atmosphere was serene and mystical. The service was the one for Lent, a rather moving service with some genuinely good advice and politics. Everytime I've graced a church, it always makes me feel something spiritual and in within 10 minutes of being there I can completely see how and why these people devote themselves to an order beyond our understanding.

BUT: I also couldn't help but note that to me, it was all just a fantastic act in a very beautiful theatre.

The service was choreographed and over rehearsed, if I could ever say that! The principal was well trained. Deliverance deserved an Olivier. It was on a stage, they had parcans* for Christ's sake, pun intended. The relevant props were in place, similarly relevant set pieces were on rigs, ready to be flown in when needed. I.E. The font. This is south London, less than 5 mins walk from Arts Ed.** I couldn't help but wonder whether or not the Alter servers and Choristers were all undergraduates? How ever I feel when I'm in a church, whatever the service and however beautiful, I never fail to see past the theatricals. Maybe I'm just ignorant.
I'm never offended by people with such strong faiths, more jealous. I know the Catholic church isn't for me, but I also know that every so often in my life I'll find myself sitting at the back of one asking for forgiveness.

I'm thanking my grandfather for allowing me to be serviced to God, but sadly my Jesus will always be Glenn Carter, my church will always be an actual theatre and my Holy Book will always be Vogue.

This is just an early morning rant, I hope no-one is offended.

* A type of stage light. They're the big ones used at gigs.
** A theatre school trying to re-live 'Fame'. LITERALLY! But thats a whole new rant/blog.

Once More Into The Beechams Dear Friend...

When one is ill, I am the last to admit it. When others are badly, I am the first to find it amusing. My theory is that this is karma, bad bad karma, A.K.A. Bloody good revenge!

Why is it that when you are ill all thoughts are strained, all verse is distorted and all actions are cursed?! I struggle at the best of times to produce an accurate sentence whilest fighting attention deficit, let alone being ill. And guess who's ill now?! My eyes are hardly enabled, my head feels like it is squashed in a vice and I'm sneezing at rate that the female chav produces children! Or animals, or whaterever it is that they're spitting out these days due to the rate of global warming. It's at this point I start to ponder religion. Is there a god? Is it because I'm not particularly religous that I am inflicted with disease? Please refrain from laughing, he say's as "In the Navy" by the Village People starts playing in the background.

This is descrimination! I can fight for my rights, but in retrospect me being ill is just bad luck. Lets face it. Being ill is down to the weather and my imune system, not god trying to punish me. I mean, first there was Exhibitionists Adam and Eve. Then the incestial Cain and Able. What happened next?? Did Cain sleep with his mum or his brother? because as I work it out there werent any other humans, or at least thats what we are told. Was Eve a slut? Sleeping with everything and anything, plural children collecting Family Credit?? Did Adam have secret women that even god didn't know about?? or were they of the homosexual variety? To this, who knows. I'm all for being converted but please give me some accurate consruction rather than 'immaculate conception' bollocks. AAAARGH

I HATE BEING ILL, AND RANTING!